Despite having such a great father, I sometimes still feel like a terrible son. I take on too many things at once, I am disorganized, I struggle with prioritizing tasks, am often pre-occupied, and frequently forgetful. All of these things were not taught to me by my dad, but somehow worked their way into my life-skillset anyway.
I’d like to blame him here, but know that none of this was modeled for me in the home. What I am happy to share are the amazing things that I did learn from this man whixh have contributed so much in making me the man, husband, father, and teacher I am today.
Did I mention easily distracted?
Sound funny? In its own way, yes and no. Right now though, is time to celebrate my pops. It’s Father’s Day, and instead of sending a card without ever enough money or gift card value to show my appreciation, I wanted to share something digitally with the world that would honour my dad Bill, and the blessings that he has given my life instead.
It is no lie that from the moment a child joins Team Earth, there is much to learn. My dad stepped into the role of Co-CIO(Chief Information Officer) in my life. Come to think of it, there were a lot of roles that he took on once family life started: Co-CFO, Co-Jurist, Co-Cop, Co-Logistics Manager, and Co-protector to name five.
From the get-go he was providing information and feedback. Somedays it was like come here, be quiet, get off of that, stop hurting your sister, stop bothering your brother, go to sleep, stay out of the forest, and so much more. Dad taught me what it was like to be a peacekeeper and how to maintain law and order.
As I grew a little older, it became more technical, iterative, and descriptive. By the time I was 5 much knowledge was gained. Always be learning, work hard, play hard, be honest, do your chores, quit hitting your brother and sister, don’t interrupt, pay attention to your surroundings, be respectful to others, be a problem solver, and learn new words everyday by reading. And then it was time to go to school.
To a kindergarten kid, school is a giant indoor and outdoor playground. There were things to discover, games to play, songs to sing, and people too. At the end of the day, Dad would ask us what we had learnt and I am sure that the answer was always the same one, “Nothing”. Most days, I wanted to go to school and I wanted to show how much I was learning. There was so much to do, experience, and try even when we learnt “nothing”, we still managed to learn something.
My dad shared, that when he was growing up, he liked school too. He preferred playing sports, but also enjoyed his academic subjects. For him, the end of Grade 12 meant hitting the job market. You could get a job with a high school diploma in those days. I remember that he spoke about the importance of going to college/university and how a degree would be a benefit in our lives. Hard work mattered if any of us wanted to get ahead in this world. That meant I had to get a part-time job.
Newspaper routes, washing dishes, bussing tables, and waiter were all lines on my resumé before turning 18. As Co-CFO, finances were important to my dad too. ‘Money did not grow on trees”, clichés about money did. Yet, despite having to get up early on weekends to go to work, the satisfaction of earning my own money for a job well done has never gone away. My first official paycheck at age 14 was a big event. It also signified the end of my allowance, but the beginning of my ability to generate income and start making some financial decisions for myself.
In many ways work was like freedom. It allowed me to do the things I’d never done before. The people skills and financial literacy are still in use. My parents’ hard work allowed us to have a wonderful home and security. This privilege also came with some responsibilities and expectations (a fair deal, although difficult to admit at the time).
Working was, is, and will be what we do. Even now, at 85 years old, dad is working full time, and probably loving every minute of it. I am still many years away from that milestone, but have already begun strategizing on what my 70s and 80s will hold beyond teacher life. Law school? Advertising? Barista? All threesta?
A strong work ethic shared by my dad has served me well as an entrepreneur and as an educator. Throughout all of my iterations as a child, adolescent, young adult, spouse, parent, and educator, my father’s ability to guide me towards make good decisions without deriding my choices has helped me in and out of the classroom. What still surprises me to this day is that even when I deserved to have my figurative ass kicked with an “I told you so.” or a “You should have…”, he allowed me to make my mistakes knowing that I would learn from them. That is how I try to do it too.
Here are a few of my dad’s pearls of wisdom (original and otherwise) that I am passing on to my son. Afterall, there will always more to parenting than just passing on DNA. Perhaps DNA stands for something else too.
Dad’s Natural Advice aka DNA
“There’s no substitute for hard work.”
“If you have time to do it wrong, you’d better have time to do it over.”
“You can’t be a leader without a following.”
“You can fool some people some times, but you can’t fool all the people all the time.”
“Do nice things that help others.”
“Pay attention to the world around you. Take time to notice the little things.”
“Be kind to others without expecting anything in return.”
“A good vocabulary is the key to higher learning.”
and my all time favourite…
“Take French, you might get a job someday.”
Yay for second language learning!
I have shared each of these gems with my son and students over the years. Not a single one appears in a curriculum document, except perhaps the learn French one(only until Gr 9). Nevertheless, the wisdom at the core of each one is also at the heart of our collective humanity and capacity to learn and grow. My dad knows this, and continues to share it with a grace and wisdom beyond any of the degrees found conferred in academia.
It is with the knowledge that I pick up the mantle he has hewed before me, carry it forward, and prepare the future to hold it high.
Thanks Dad for the lessons. I still need more. May God continue to bless you with health, happiness, and wisdom for years and years to come so you can keep on kicking proverbial ass with wisdom.